My balls are so social today.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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