So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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