peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just google imaged poop.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
