That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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