Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
