I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
