we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize