So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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