it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
