Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
