i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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