yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
