Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
