I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
