she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
