I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
