If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
