i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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