I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
