dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
