I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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