I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
