she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
