i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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