I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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