True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
