What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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