I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
