No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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