i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
