I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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