I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
