But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When did angry sex become our thing?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
