fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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