Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
