The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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