It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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