I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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