So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
