I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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