Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
