Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
