I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
