I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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