i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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