Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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