People with herpes should wear stickers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
