My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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