No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
