I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
