all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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