And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
