i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
