You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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