Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
