how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
