i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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