i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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