I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
