so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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