It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
