Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
