If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
