i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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