whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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