I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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