She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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