there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i out mim tonsoeep
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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