Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
