I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
