Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
