I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
