told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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